The Whammy

Ok, so..remember on my last post when I stated that things were going okay but that I didn't want to get too excited because if I got hit with a "whammy" out of nowhere, I'd be disappointed?? Remember that? Well, the shit happened. To make matters worse, It all happened around my birthday. I spent my b-day week going back and forth to visit my mother at a mental facility, cleaning house and trying to spend quality time with my girlfriend. Mind you, I'm still being audited by the damn IRS, my mother is behind in her rent and they're sending all kinds of notices, I have to make sure she takes her meds, then on my b-day, I helped my girlfriend move into her apartment. Did I party? NO. Did I get lots of gifts? NO. BUT, I received a tremendous amount of support from my girlfriend and friends. I couldn't have asked for anything better. She drove me to and from the hospital and listened to me vent about the situation w/o judgement or fear. My best friend offered to put food in my mother's refrigerator and play nurse to check up on my mom during the day with phone calls, I received numerous amounts of prayers from all over and to my surprise, I didn't lose my mind as I anticipated. The good news is that she's coming back home today and hopefully she'll continue taking her meds.

Before she was admitted, I had an argument with my mother's best friend. She had the nerve to tell me I have to deal with it forever because she's my mother and I can't be mad about it. (In a sarcastic way she then says,"Oh poor you! So what you're 25...if your mother has a problem you have to deal with it.")What the F*ck is that?!! I was so appalled at her response. My point being is that yes I'm 25 (26 as of Sunday) and I should be living my life crazy and having fun for my b-day...not admitting my mother into a mental ward-BY MYSELF..with no family support. I don't know what people expect of me but I know this..EVERYONE CAN KISS MY TUSH. I've learned through this ordeal is that people are like a**holes, every body's got one!

I always wanted the type of life that I wouldn't have to constantly worry about my mom. She's so clingy, needy, lazy and wants everything to be given to her rather than her working for it. I get so frustrated whenever I look at her because she's such a disappointment to me. People will tell me that I'm wrong for saying or feeling that way but it's the truth. Shouldn't parents be more concerned with their children and not vice versa unless a parent isn't doing so good health wise?? Another thing..I HATE that people are constantly telling me "You can never leave home because your mother needs you". What the hell does that mean? I can never move on my own because my mother doesn't want to be responsible? That's bulls***. IT ISN'T FAIRRRRRRR!!! My therapist even agrees. So now, people will understand why I look perturbed often..lol.

Yea, so, that's what's been going on with me since my last posting. Your feedback is appreciated and welcomed

Is it safe to Exhale?

I ask this question because so many things are starting to change in my life..some good and bad. My love life is really, really starting to pick up in the strangest place, the relationship between my mother and I is improving, work is always work..lol, I've learned to let go of what's already gone and I'm starting to have more confidence in myself. However, the IRS is f*cking with me big time but I refuse to let that get me down. From what I hear, they're f*cking with everybody. A part of me is scared to exhale because just when you think everything's in place, Life always hits you with a whammy! That will really piss me off if I'm already in a comfort zone. Again, I ask, Is it safe to exhale

A Lightbulb?

Ok so...during yesterday's therapy session, I've realized my only passions in life: Writing, Music, Movies and Fashion. If I decide to pursue a career, it would most definitely be in writing. Writing about what? I have no clue..hahaha but writing about something I know, see or feel comes easy to me and is definitely the best seller. First things first, I must move out of my Mama's house because her presence just "irritates" my mental block..(my block meaning my brain..something condusive to me writing). Enviornment is everything. I've learned that in order to write, it comes from within and definitely your surroundings. Your surroundings give you motivation, ideas and inspiration. Once in my own peace, I can continue paying off my debts (my days of being a fashionista caused this by the way). With both goals in place, I can go back to school and achieve my ultimate goal: A B.A in comparative literature, an MFA in creative writing and finally an M.A in Journalism. Sounds dope right? Guess what? IT IS...watch me....

Another realization..I want a long spiffy weave SOO BAD! I was always Anti-Weave but I'd like to try something different. Is that so friggin bad?! People act like I said I wanted to skin a cat alive and wear it on my head. BOOGER EATERS! gets me sick..but guess what? I'm getting one anyway and I'll be flyest cat wearer on Earth!

Also, What the hell and Who the hell used to drink liquor called Night Train?? and why is this my first time hearing about it? That sounds like death in a bottle. I wouldn't even drink Colt 45 or anything in the shape of a 40 oz. bottle. Who still does that? Isn't that for crackheads??! No offense to any crack head reading this but it's time FOR YOU to even upgrade your drink level..get on it..

Until next time..

Is there such a thing called, "A Coincidence"??

Hmm.. I used to think so but then at times I feel as if nothing is a coincidence...it's simply in the energy, the way the world works and the mysteriousness of one's intuition. Here's why I ask this question:

There's a website called Tagged. I'm not sure if any of you ever heard of it but it's where young and old folks tag each other, send pics, messages, winks, hearts and all kinds of tomfoolery..lol. As of right now, I'm completely turned off from it..and Why? because I started to correspond with a young lady who seemed cool at first...come to find out, she's the ex of another young lady who was screwing MY ex at a point. Once she found that out, this young lady (a lady who was trying to pursue me), started to scream cry and act crazy over the phone...over a girl who's clearly a slut. I couldn't believe how small the gay community is and how much emotional turmoil us women put ourselves through. This is why I asked the question, "Is there a such thing as a coincidence?". Was it meant for us to correspond? If so, what freaking reason was it? I refuse to think it was fate. Fate had nothing to do with that madness I went through last night. Needless to say, I spent almost two hours on the phone listening to a "prospective". Ah...WHEW! Now that I got that out.....GOOD MORNING ALL..lol.

After venting, more questions are slightly pondering me: How many women do you have to screw in order to "successfully" land the right one? Does it come from years of soul searching and being celibate? Being a slut? What constitutes a Journey? How do one knows if they want to "journey" with another being? Is it romance, the lack of it or the quest for it?

Any feedback?

An Alien??

Ok, so...An Alien Huh??Am I? (AND YES I WAS CRAZY DRUNK IN THIS PHOTO and NO..I have no idea who the hell that guy is behind me..lol)

Sometimes is get the feeling like I don't belong here. I tend to work like I don't need the money (even in a recession), doing normal things are annoying such as committing to one person, grocery shopping, paying bills, having children..WTF? Who says we have to accomplish that in order to be complete? Complete for whom or what? It's disgusting not to do what you want in fear of what others may think of you. Ya Know?? It took a dear friend of mine to give me the inspiration for even starting this blog. I'm 25 and still have no idea of what I want to do...career wise..or relationship wise. I just want to be...somewhere...doing anything. Experiencing the best of me and my contribution to freedom. How about you? Are you happy??